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be at all the cocaine sneaker spots, sippin on pink lemonade vodka, Panama
{[im addicted to yuh! im addicted to yuh!// yuh entice meeh on the daily// thats why yuhr mah baby// i love to feel yuhr touch && althoe i may stray// to blazers..jordans..&& pumps// DUNKZ...yuh will always be the one i want]} ilyximy=pook

Thursday, May 7

=//winning to lose\\=

"saw mah bank account like where is all the O's at?"
- big sean
the title of this post explains exactly how i honestly...i work hella hard then go to skool && feel as if im nawt even taking one step forward... more like two steps back...
i swear from july 08 to december 08 i took major steps... i got a great a car...&& moved into mah own condo... now its like everything has im happy with mah job buh i wanna pursue mah dreams...nawt work for the government forever && i not only want a new car buh need a new car cuz the transmission is eff'n up...&& i love mah condo && eveything in it buh get lonely there at times && just wanna get married already so i can share it all with someone....iont know what it is buh i feel as if im just sittin still....stuck...on pause...
i need movement in mah life...progress..boxes checked off on this list of goals...dreams to be reached...maybe i've lost focus....yeah thats must be it... i mean i havent been going to church...ive been out partying every weekend && most weekdays...ive been going on random shopping trips that get meeh nowhere...ha ha..buh ive been having fun (well now its starting to wear down)...nawt saying that i wasnt having fun before buh i was living too was basically on sunday && back at its more like night...sleep//nap...&& back at it....i like that...buh as i can see its far from being focused...
"focused on mah focus"
haha...i used to say that on the daily...cuz i was...damn doode...i feel like im i've confused all of mah desires wants && needs iont know what i want or what im doing in life anymore...the only thing im sure of is that i wanna do whats right so that ultimately i get to relax in heaven...
thats it...besides that everything is a gigantic confusing blurr....
tryna get away from the stress from work..personal life...bills...starting this clothing line..
&& skool...
esp with finals && the one year anniversary of darnell passing coming up...yeah..too much stress!
odd yet funny to think that one day ima look back on all that im going thru rii now && think
" far ive come...if only i wudda knew then what i know now"
cant wait til that day...til then ima...
"just close mah eyes && think of how heaven feels"

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