=//if....and....then maybe.....\\=

from the jump yuh && i

talked..aimed..texted everyday all day long

had the perfect hang out sessions...

gave each other nicknames..

found out so much about each other in just a matter of days..

we connected instantly
which is why I'm so lost to why we fell off all of a sudden...usually I'd blame myself for being too picky&&guarded or yuh for just being weird && lame buh in this case it was neither....I actually let mah guard down&&opened up to yuh...&& yuh...yuh were far from weird or lame...more like interesting && fun..I looked forward to getting aims from yuh while i was working...having a textersation about random ish or just a call before yuh left work..I looked forward to meeting up..grabbin a bite to eat..&&just chillin at the cribbie...I looked forward to the time we'd spend&&the moments we'd share...I looked forward to yuh...

yeah there was that one thing holding meeh back from letting yuh ALL the way in...buh thats from previous experiences with people of "that kind"..besides that i loved our friendship...honestly it was one that i know i will remember forever...all laughter...no dumb asz arguments...just pure fun...

sometimes i wonder if we hadnt taken that one step too far if we'd still be the same...i mean we can both act like its the same every time we see each other...buh honestly...we both know its different...i knew it was different from the moment we were sittin there tryna play shit off like it was kewl...crackin jokes && shit..haha..buh deep down our faces said it all...

thats why i hold out on every hang out session now...cuz i know it wont be the same...

honestly...i'd rather just see yuh when i see yuh like we have been...

plus im tired of having to avoid the same question yuh continuously ask...

"what happened between us?"

because honestly i don't have an answer for yuh yet

thats why i play it off by laughing && changing the subject...

i wish it cudd be the same buh now mah perceptions of yuh have changed a liddle...

maybe because i just wanted us to stay friends && it seemed like yuh were pushing for more...

besides the fact that yuh are the ONLY black doode i even find mahself even attracted to...

physically && mentally we connect && yuh just match mah fly in every way possible... buh i just appreciate the friendship too much to ruin it by taking it further && end up losing yuhr friendship...

when people used to say "i just dunno where to go from here"...i used to think...duh keep it pushin...buh in this situation its like really.....

where DO we go from here?

natalia dunkz